


i can't think straight, i'm so gay

by CuboneGirl13



Series: ephemeral [4]
Category: Newsies (1992)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Fuck Ups, davey is there for approximately two seconds at the end fyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:57:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6522661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuboneGirl13/pseuds/CuboneGirl13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Katherine is lovestruck and Sarah goofs big time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't think straight, i'm so gay

“He’s just so  _ nice _ and  _ funny  _ and  _ handsome _ -”

 

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy?”

 

Katherine gives Sarah a mildly exasperated look, but hey, that’s really not a particularly great description of Jack. That  _ is _ a pretty great description of Kath, to be honest ... 

 

“ _ Yes, _ I’m very sure. He’s just  _ different _ with me, he’s so great.”

 

“You haven’t even gone on a  _ date _ with him yet,” Sarah points out, only to be greeted by yet another one of her friend’s looks. God, she’s just trying to look out for Kath, she doesn’t want her to get hurt. She just wants Kath to be happy. That’s definitely it, yep, that’s all.

 

“I haven’t felt this way about a guy before. I really think we could work, you know?”

 

Sarah stares for a moment before replying, “Kath, sweetheart, maybe you should wait until after a couple dates to say that, don’t you think?”

 

“I guess you’re right … He’s just so nice to me, I feel really good about this.”

 

“I know you do, love, I know you do. Call me when you get home?”

 

“Of course,” Kath says as she gets up, kissing Sarah on top of the head.

 

She watches her leave, unable to keep from wishing that Katherine was talking about _ her _ like that.

-

She loves Katherine, she truly does, and Jack too, but Sarah really,  _ really _ can’t stand sitting near them in class. If she hears Kath giggle one more time at that boy, she’s gonna punch something. Possibly Jack.  _ Probably  _ Jack.

 

Glancing at the clock, she’s extremely grateful the bell is about to ring, ready to get out of school and tear her friend away from her boyfriend. They haven’t spent much time together since Kath and Jack started dating and to be honest, she misses her best friend.

 

Her thoughts are disturbed by her phone vibrating. Glancing at the teacher, she confirms that he’s not looking her way before pulling out her phone.

 

**[Kathy]: Sorry, but I can’t make it this afternoon, I’m going to do homework with Jack. I’m sorry!!!**

 

Sarah merely slips her phone back into her purse, not even wanting to respond.

-

**[Kathy]: Jack can’t make it to dinner tonight, you want to come? I don’t wanna waste the reservation.**

**[Sarah ♥]: yeah sure where are you?**

 

Sarah stares down at her phone, not really sure how to feel about the request. On one hand, she’d love to be able to spend some time with Kath, especially because they’ve both been really busy lately. On the other hand, it doesn’t feel too good to only be asked to hang out because  _ Jack _ is unavailable.

 

Nevertheless, she leaves as soon as Katherine texts her the name of the restaurant, not wanting to pass on an opportunity to spend time with her friend, even if she is only the backup plan.

 

Walking into the restaurant, she feels underdressed and regrets not changing, but Sarah supposes what’s she’s wearing isn’t all that important. Kath waves her over to the table. “Sorry for asking on such short notice, I didn't know Jack wasn't coming until after I got here.”

 

“It's fine,” Sarah says as she sits across from Katherine. “Did he say why he couldn't come?”

 

“I think he said Charlie’s sick. I mean, I don’t know why that means he couldn’t come, but whatever, it’s nice to get to have some time with you.”

 

She ignores the butterflies rising in her stomach, reminding herself that it's not a date, just two friends very much not attracted to each other hanging out. In a very fancy restaurant. Which was originally supposed to be a date. And she just needs to stop thinking about this and calm down and-

 

“I just don’t get why Charlie being sick matters,” Katherine says, startling Sarah a little bit. “I mean, what the hell can Jack do for him?”

 

“Come on, they’re best friends. Jack wants to be there for him. Are you telling me you wouldn’t want to skip out on a date if I was sick?”

 

“... Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. You’re always right.”

 

Sarah reddens a little. “No I’m  _ not _ , you’re just always wrong,” she says with a smirk.

 

“So, whatever happened with that guy from English last semester? Ben, right? He really seemed to like you.”

 

“I dunno. He just isn’t my type, I guess. And besides, he’s shorter than me. Like,  _ way _ shorter.”

 

Katherine gives her a  _ look _ before replying. “Does that  _ really _ matter?”

 

“You don't get it, guys don't like girls that are taller than them, it makes them feel less manly or some crap like that. And besides-”

 

She's interrupted by their server coming to take their order. Sarah’s kind of thankful that his timing keeps her from saying something she maybe shouldn't, at least not yet. She’s pretty sure she's not even into guys and that maybe she shouldn't talk about that until she _ is _ sure.

 

“Hang on, what were you saying?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Kath gives her that look  _ again.  _ God, she hates that look.

 

“Alright, alright. I was just going to say that I don't really like any of the guys at our school, they're all annoying. And short. They're all pretty short.”

 

“Is that really such a big deal?” Katherine giggles. “I mean, you're so tall, it's gonna be hard to find a guy taller than you.”

 

Sarah picks at a hangnail for a moment before replying. “Guys  _ really _ don't like girls taller than them. Like, you don't have a problem with that, you're short and cute. Guys like that. Not stinking six feet tall and probably heavier than them.”

 

“Come on, I'm sure there are shorter guys that would date you, I know I-  _ Jack _ would, and I think Romeo may like you.”

 

“I just- I don’t know. It’s stupid, but whatever. I don’t care.”

 

“I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry,” Katherine mutters.

 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

 

They sit in silence for a moment before their food arrives.

 

“You know, it’s nice to eat with someone who has  _ manners _ for once,” Katherine laughs. “Jack is  _ incapable _ of chewing with his mouth shut, it’s disgusting!”

 

“Oh my gosh, I  _ know _ , it gets on my nerves so bad!”

 

“I love him, but he’s so damn  _ frustrating _ sometimes, you know?”

 

“Wait, what?” Sarah looks up from her plate, surprised by her friend’s statement. “You love him? Have you told  _ him _ that?”

 

“ _ God  _ no, I don’t want to scare him off. It hasn’t been long enough to say anything like that.”

 

“I dunno, if you really feel like that, maybe you should say something.”   
  


Katherine picks at her food for a moment before replying. “Yeah, I guess. I just- I’m really,  _ really  _ scared he doesn’t feel the same and that if I say something, he’ll break up with me and-”   
  
“Kath, love, calm down. I can almost  _ promise _ you he loves you and even if he’s not to that point yet, he wouldn’t break up with you for that. You know he’s better than that, you’re just getting too worked up to  _ see  _ that.”

 

“It doesn’t matter what you say, you’re always right,” Katherine says with a smile.

 

Sarah laughs at that. “Yeah, yeah I am.”

-

**[Sarah ♥]: can you meet me at the starbucks near my house? i need to talk to you about something.**

**[Kathy]: Yeah, of course! Is something wrong?**

**[Sarah ♥]: no i just have something to talk to you about**

 

Sarah fidgets at her table, anxious about her upcoming conversation with Katherine. She’s pretty sure her friend’s already figured out she’s not straight, but the idea of actually  _ coming out  _ is terrifying. She takes a few deep, calming breaths, not wanting to freaking out when Kath arrives. Speaking of …

 

“Hey, love, thanks for getting my drink,” Katherine says, kissing Sarah on the cheek as she passes. “What did you need to talk about?”

 

Sarah takes a sip of her drink before replying, trying to suppress the rising nausea. “I- I, um. I’m just- I’ll. Crap. I’m just- I just gonna say it. Please don’t freak out or anything but. Um. I’m, uh-”

 

“Gay?”

 

Sarah gapes at Katherine for a moment, completely taken aback.  “You knew? How long?”

 

“I mean, I’ve wondered for a while. I’ve known you for, what, two years? And you’ve never dated anyone? And it’s not like no one’s interested,” Kath laughs. “And  _ maybe  _ because you don’t even  _ look _ when Specs takes his shirt off.”

 

“So … You don’t mind?”

 

Kath gives her that dang  _ look _ . “Of course not, what kind of fri-  _ person _ would I be if I did?”

 

Closing her eyes, Sarah takes a deep breath, relieved at her response. “Thank you. You don’t even know how much that means to me.”

 

Katherine smiles, taking hold of Sarah’s hand. “No problem. Anything I can do for you?”

 

“Not really. I mean, it’s not like I can get you to tell people for me or anything.”

 

“Yeah, I guess not,” Katherine chuckles. “Was that all? I mean, not that that’s a little thing, but there’s nothing wrong?”

 

“No, no, that was it.”

 

“So, in that case, seen any cute girls lately?”

 

“Yeah, actually, there’s one sitting right across from me,” Sarah teases, getting a laugh out of her friend.

 

“So, how was physics yesterday? I know you’ve been having trouble …”

 

As the topic changes, Sarah finally relaxes.

-

“So, have you told your parents yet? About. You know.”

 

“Nah. I don’t think they’d take it well.”

 

Katherine stares at her for a moment. “Why wouldn’t they?”

 

“Why  _ would  _ they?” Sarah snorts. “Yeah, they’d definitely love to hear that  _ two _ of their kids are gay. It'd make their day for _ sure!” _

 

“But- but they're your _ parents _ , they're supposed to love you and support you and all that shit no matter what! And hey, what's the worst they could do if you told them? Kick you out?”

 

Sarah looks down at her lap for a moment before replying. “I hope not. I mean, they didn't talk to Davey for about a week after he came out and I don't think I could deal with that.”

 

“It'll all work out, okay?” Katherine says, grabbing her hands. “You know you always have me. No matter what.”

 

Sarah pulls her friend into a hug, thanking her.

 

“So, uh,” Katherine mumbles. “Maybe I shouldn't talk to you about Jack anymore.”

 

“Of course you should!” Sarah exclaims. “He makes you happy, talk about him all you want! I don't give a crap he's a boy, I'm not the one dating him.”

 

“About the ‘making me happy’ thing …”

 

“What?” Sarah asks, brow furrowed.

 

“I'm- I dunno, I- he-  _ ugh.  _ I think he likes Charlie. More than me.”

 

“ _ What?”  _ Sarah looks at Kath in disbelief.

 

“Yeah. He just acts more …  _ Couple-y _ , I guess, with Charlie. He's a hell of a lot more affectionate.”

 

“I mean, you could say the same about us,” Sarah mumbles, blushing.

 

“I  _ guess _ , but it's _ different _ with us. I'm not into girls and no one knows you're gay, so there's no reason to think we like each other or anything,” Katherine explains. “Crutchie’s gay, Jack's bi, and they've acted like a damn couple as long as I've known them. All signs point to them liking each other.”

 

“Well, when you put it like  _ that…” _

 

Kath smirks at her and god, no one should look that good when they look that _ smug. _ “So much for me always being wrong?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so much for that,” Sarah giggles. “Now, don't you have a date to get to?”

 

“Oh _ fuck _ , I forgot! I'm gonna be late, oh  _ shit.” _

 

Kath rushes by, kissing Sarah on top of the head as she passes. “Thank you for reminding me!”

 

“No prob-” Sarah's cut off by the slam of her bedroom door, leaving her alone, still smiling fondly at the door. God, she’s in deep.

-

Sarah stares at her friend in disbelief for the second time that night. “Alright, let me get this straight. He was late because he didn't want to wake up Charlie?  _ Seriously? _ ”

 

“ _ Seriously! _ ” Katherine gestures wildly with her spoon, slinging ice cream across the room in the process.

 

Sarah gives Kath her best attempt at  _ the look _ , prompting her to put the spoon down.

 

“Seriously though, that's pretty crappy of him, especially since he missed Monday because of Charlie. Why are you even still with him?”

 

“I'm honestly not sure,” Katherine sighs. “He seems to care a hell of a lot more about Crutchie than about me and I'm getting really tired of it.”

 

Sarah looks down at her ice cream for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “So, do you feel happy being with him? Or does it feel more like a chore or something?”

 

“I- I'm not sure. More like a chore, I guess.”

 

“Then  _ I’m _ sure that dating him isn’t the best for you or for him.”

 

Katherine stares down at her own bowl before replying. “... Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right.”

 

“When  _ aren’t  _ I?” Sarah asks with a smirk, only to receive a glare in response. “It’s getting late, shouldn’t you be heading home?”

 

“I don’t wanna, and besides, I won’t get home before curfew. I’d be in  _ so _ much trouble.” Katherine gives her a pitiful look, the one that she can  _ never _ resist, it's just too dang  _ cute. _

 

“ _ Fine _ , just tell your mom, I don’t want to get in trouble again.”

 

“Thank you!” Katherine kisses her cheek before running towards the bathroom, grabbing her phone on the way. “Toothbrush is where I left it, right?”

 

“Yeah, still is, and your pajamas ar-”   
  
“In the linen closet! Thank you!”

 

Sarah watches her scurry off, smiling wistfully. She knows Katherine said she doesn't like girls, has said so on a few occasions, so she  _ knows _ her crush is futile, but hey, a girl can hope.

 

She plays on her phone while she waits for Kath to come back, looking up when the door opens.

 

“So, um,” Katherine starts nervously. “Do you- what do you think I should do about Jack?”

 

“I think you should just talk about how you feel with him, make your thoughts and concerns known. You  _ really _ think he likes Crutchie?”

 

Katherine gives her that god-forsaken  _ look _ in response.

 

“Alright, alright, stupid question,” Sarah laughs. “ _ Maybe  _ you should talk to him about that, too?”

 

“Yeah, maybe. I'll just play it by ear, I guess,” Kath says. “Do you still have-”

 

“The air mattress? Nah, the cat clawed a hole it in. Wanna just share?”

 

Sarah can see the hesitation in Katherine's eyes, but she still accepts.

 

“You hog the blankets, I'm kicking you out,” Sarah jokes as Kath climbs into bed.

 

“Literally or figuratively?” Katherine asks with a twinkle in her eye.

 

“ _ Both.”  _ Sarah stares into her eyes for a second with a serious look before both girls dissolve into laughter, falling back on the bed.

 

Katherine rolls over, smile still on her face, while Sarah watches her settle in. She feels kind of …  _ fuzzy _ , sharing a bed with Kath, but hey, she can control herself. It's fine, she's fine, it's all fine. She follows her friend's lead, rolling over and trying to go to sleep.

-

Sarah worries all day at school about Kath's impending conversation with her boyfriend, probably soon-to-be ex. She knows it won't affect her chances with Katherine at all, she's not stupid, but she's … She's scared of how the breakup may impact Kath. She hates how her friend gets when she's upset: mean, impatient, downright witchy-with-a-b. Sarah hates when she's like that, and Katherine always feels terrible after the fact, and Sarah feels terrible because  _ Kath _ feels terrible. Hopefully she's come to terms with things enough to avoid all _ that _ , but there's no knowing for sure.

 

Sarah stares at the clock,  _ wishing _ there was some way to make it go faster, make  _ time _ go faster. She’s so ready to get out of class and ready for Kath to get her relationship figured out, the uncertainty is making  _ her _ anxious.

 

Two minutes. Two minutes until school is over. Two more minutes until she finally gets to go  _ home  _ and- wait, no, she has volleyball. Never mind.

 

Kath, lucky duck, got signed out an hour ago so she's probably the one that's been texting her the whole class period. Usually Sarah would be kind of ticked about the constant vibrations but she knows Katherine’s worried, she can’t blame her for texting. Unless it’s not Kath, in which case, she can completely blame them.

 

One minute until the bell rings and the dang teacher is  _ still _ teaching. The rest of the class is already packing up, but she’s not going to risk having to stay longer because of Mr. Wiesel’s weird class rules.

 

The bell finally rings and she pulls her phone out,  _ finally _ able to check her messages.

 

“Alright, class, pack up and get out of my room.”

 

Sarah unlocks her phone to confirm the texts are, in fact, from Katherine, and seeing that all stinking nineteen of them are, she puts it back in her pocket and packs up,  _ so _ ready to get out of that school.

 

She calls Kath the moment she leaves the classroom,  _ just _ in case she’s driving.

 

“Sarah? Did you get my texts?”

 

“That's no way to answer the phone,” she teases. “But yeah, I got them, I just haven't read them. I will once I get to the car.”

 

“I don't know about this. What if I'm wrong? What if he hates me? What if-”

 

“Kath, sweetheart, calm down. It'll be fine, he won't hate you, even if you are wrong.”

 

Katherine sighs instead of replying.

 

“I'm always right, remember?”

 

“Yeah, you are,” Kath giggles. “I’m about to turn, call you back after I talk to Jack?”

 

“Alright, love. Don’t stress too much.” Sarah slumps against the nearest wall with a sigh as she ends the call.

 

She's almost to her car when she remembers she has volleyball practice. Crap. Sarah sends a quick text to Davey reminding him to pick her up afterward before turning around and heading straight back into that goshdarn school.

-

**[Kathy]: Can I come over when you’re done with volleyball?**

**[Sarah ♥]: yeah sure i’m almost home if you wanna leave now**

**[Kathy]: Thank you**

**[Kathy]: See you in a few**

 

Sarah barely gets the chance to put her bag down before Katherine opens the door, running over for a hug.

 

“Don’t touch me, I stink,” Sarah laughs, leaning away.

 

“God, I don’t even care, I just need a hug after that.”

 

“Did the conversation not go well?”

 

Kath sprawls out on the couch with a sigh. “I guess it did, it just  _ sucked.  _ I hate breaking up with people.”

 

She sits up, leaving room for Sarah to sit beside her, before laying back down with her head in the other girl’s lap.

 

“How did he take it?” Sarah asks, petting her hair.

 

“Defensive. Distraught. So not well.”

 

“I mean, you were breaking up with him, of course he was distraught. Were you right about him and Charlie?”

 

“Yeah, I was. That was the defensive part.”

 

They sit in silence for a moment before Sarah responds. “So, how are  _ you _ feeling about all this?”

 

“Alright, I guess. Disappointed. I really did like him.”

 

“I’m sorry, I know you did.”

 

Katherine sits up suddenly, knocking Sarah’s hand off. “You know what? Fuck boys. Boys are stupid.”

 

“I could have told you that,” Sarah laughs. “So not worth the trouble.”

 

“I just …” Kath looks down, trailing off. “I don’t- I’m- ugh. I’m worried that if I don’t find someone now, I never will, you know? I’m fucking abrasive and obnoxious and  _ awful. _ ”

 

“You’re  _ not  _ awful,” Sarah says, grabbing her hand. “You’re one of the best people I know and anyone who thinks otherwise is a fucking idiot.”

 

Katherine bursts into laughter, confusing Sarah. “What- what did I say?”

 

“You cursed! You never curse! And you cursed!”

 

She blushes at that, not realising it would be that, well,  _ noteworthy _ .

 

“Hey, hey, it’s fine,” Kath assures her, taking hold of her hand. “I’m not making fun of you, I promise. It’s just funny. You  _ never  _ curse. It’s honestly kind of cute.”

 

“Cute?” Sarah blushes even more, cursing herself for it.

 

“Yeah, really cute.”

 

She looks down at their hands, biting her lip. “Really, though, you’re amazing and anyone would be lucky to have you. I mean, you’re beautiful, smart, independent … You’re great.”

 

_ Kath _ blushes at that and man, she may think  _ Sarah _ looks cute when she blushes, but Katherine looks  _ so _ dang adorable. “I just- This is gonna sound so weird but, like, I just wish I could find someone like you, y’know?”

 

“I- what?”

 

“Yeah, you’re just so  _ sweet _ and  _ pretty  _ and I swear to God, you’re fucking  _ perfect.” _

 

Sarah looks at her, heart racing. She takes a deep breath to try and calm down, but that sounds like- that sounds like … Like she has a chance.

 

“I’m getting so sick of dating, though. Someone always fucks up and we both end up hurt and I just- why does it have to be  _ like _ that? Why c- Sarah? Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“I was- I just- I was think- screw it.”

 

She takes another deep breath, leaning forward before she loses her nerve. Katherine freezes the moment their lips meet, staying there for a moment before she backs away, rising from her seat on the couch.

 

“I- Kath-”

 

“I should go,” she says over her shoulder, already walking away.

 

“Katherine, I’m sorry, pl- wait!”

 

“Why? What the hell are you gonna say? Because I’m not sure I want to hear it.”

 

“I just- I’m  _ sorry _ , I just- I really,  _ really  _ like you and you were talking like maybe you like me and I just-”

 

“I  _ just  _ broke up with my fucking  _ boyfriend _ , why the  _ hell _ did you think it was a good idea to fucking  _ kiss _ me? I’m not gay! I don’t fucking like girls and I’m  _ not fucking gay!” _

 

“I didn’t say you  _ were _ ! I just- I’m  _ sorry!”  _ Sarah’s not sure who raised their voice first, but she’s one more word away from crying and  _ god _ , she shouldn’t have  _ done _ that.

 

“I’m- I’m leaving now,” Katherine says, already walking away again. “Don’t fucking call me. I need- I need some time.”

 

Sarah flinches at the slam of the door, already fucking gross sobbing and why the  _ fuck _ did she  _ do  _ that?

 

“Hey, what just happened?” Davey asks as he runs downstairs. “Are you-”

 

“Leave me alone.  _ Please.” _

 

“I- alright. Alright.”

  
She watches him walk back to his room, wishing she didn’t kiss Kath, wishing she had just fucking  _ thought _ before she did. Wishing she at least took a fucking  _ shower _ first.  



End file.
